just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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