He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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