You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
