wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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