remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
