my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
