i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
