I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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