How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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