you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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