i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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