I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
