Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
