I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I wear drunk well.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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