At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
