Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
