i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
