If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
