dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
