half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
