the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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