Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
