Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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