I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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