i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
