i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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