Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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