i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
