I accidentally had phone sex last night
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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