Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There's always time for handjobs
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
