I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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