Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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