So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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