I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
