It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
