1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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