I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We are all done wearing pants today
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
