i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
