I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Vodka?
Forever.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
