Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
