I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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