I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
