I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
