you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
