Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
