just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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