Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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