I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
