I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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