Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
