you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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