It was confusing and full of hummus
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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