well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
