Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
