I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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