i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize