oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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