you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
