You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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