Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
