Can Purell be used as lube?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
