ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize