dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
