: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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