its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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