you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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