3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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