Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
