Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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