SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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