she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She's the barista slut.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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